I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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