I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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