true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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