i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
