Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
