Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize