so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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