I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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