ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I woke up under a house in Key West
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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