you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
