As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
