Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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