i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
