are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
