I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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