Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
