You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
