We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
