I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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