Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Some sorority went āDick or Treatingā at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
