I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
