dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
