so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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