She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
