i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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