# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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