Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
