Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
