You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
there is glitter all over my balls
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