dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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