im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you had me at cake vodka
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
