I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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