I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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