You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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