You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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