bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
