Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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