Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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