break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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