I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
