Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
