After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
