well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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