Christians are straight up FREAKS
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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