peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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