i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
