Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
