she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need moral support for this bender
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
