You made me cry and you don't even care
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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