Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize