One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
