I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
