So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
