She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
