I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize