I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
