3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
