remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize