I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize