rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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