so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize