Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
