I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
