break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
