Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
