I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
