I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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