dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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