Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize