Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
